


The Knowledge Argument

by lindsaylaurie



Category: Zero Escape: Zero Time Dilemma - Fandom
Genre: Carlos is clueless, F/M, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-09
Updated: 2016-08-20
Packaged: 2018-08-07 15:23:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7719934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lindsaylaurie/pseuds/lindsaylaurie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the decision game, Carlos only has one thing on his mind: making his sister well again. </p><p>Junpei and Akane have something else on their minds.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“I’m going to kick your ass if you don’t sit down,” Junpei grumbles.

Carlos stops pacing. He’s been circling the tiny hotel room for the last few minutes, trying to get rid of his nervous energy, trying to convince himself to do as Junpei and Akane say and just _rest_ , but he can’t get Maria off his mind. He just wants to know she’s okay. He wants to see her with his own eyes, to tell her happy New Year and hold her hand.

Junpei and Akane are perched at the edge of the hotel bed, just watching him. Akane is leaning into Junpei and he has his arm around her. It makes Carlos happy, but it does little to calm him.

“Sorry,” Carlos mutters. “It’s just—”

“Your sister,” Junpei cuts in. “I know. Listen, we’ll get going tomorrow. I promise. Me and Akane are going to help her. But we’re not going to be of any use to her like,” he waves a hand vaguely, “this.”

“Junpei’s right. I know your body is fine, but your mind needs to rest. We’ve all done a lot of SHIFTing. Just come to bed.”

Carlos watches with amusement as Junpei’s eyes narrow. “Come to bed? Really, Akane?”

Akane rolls her eyes at him. “You know what I mean, _Jumpy._ ”

“And what _do_ you mean, _Kanny_?”

Carlos doesn’t miss the way Junpei looks at him, as though trying to gauge his reaction. But he doesn’t have time to dwell on it.

“Nothing dirty, pervert.” Akane knocks her shoulder into Junpei’s playfully. “But I mean, after everything that happened are we really going to let Carlos sleep on the fold out couch?”

A silence settles over the room. Both of them are looking at Carlos now, who’s got his gaze carefully trained on the carpet. He has spent the last few hours trying very hard _not_ to think about everything that had just happened.

Or not happened.

The only thing that happened in this timeline is that Carlos shot an old man in cold blood in the middle of the Nevada desert.

He can still feel the hard metal in his hand, the recoil, the blood spatter. Everyone assured him that he had done the right thing. They didn’t blame him. Delta was dangerous. If Delta lived, they could never truly rest easy. But that didn’t stop him from throwing up after he’d done it.

“Hey, don’t make that face,” Junpei says softly.

Carlos snaps to attention. He tries to wipe away whatever expression he’d been wearing, but he’s too tired to force a smile. Instead, he just presses a hand to his face and sighs.

“Come on,” Akane says again. He can hear movement on the bed and when he looks up, she and Junpei are settling in under the sheets. She waves him forward, gesturing to the spot to her left.

Carlos swallows thickly as he complies. When he’s settled, they’re all shoulder to shoulder. Too close, Carlos thinks, to be comfortable like this. He’s about to offer to move to the couch when Akane rolls onto her side and lays a tentative hand on Carlos’ shoulder.

The touch is nice and it must show on his face for Akane curls up into his side. And then Junpei’s there, pressed against Akane, his arm across her, brushing Carlos’ waist.

He needs this. He doesn’t question it, even though some part of his mind is sounding a million alarm bells. Carlos melts into them, letting Akane burry her head under his chin and Junpei tangle their legs together.

Even though his mind is buzzing, even though there are a million things plaguing him, Carlos closes his eyes. Sleep comes surprisingly quickly.

 

The next morning, Carlos awakes to find Junpei sprawled across his chest. He blinks very slowly as his brain begins to wake up and process the events of the previous day. It hits him with a wince and he very pointed pushes it from his mind.

Carlos tries to twist his body slightly to look at the clock, but in the process, jostles Junpei who groans and digs his fingers into the fabric of Carlos’ shirt.

“Stop,” Junpei mutters, not even bothering to open his eyes.

“Sorry.” Carlos tries to keep his voice low, not wanting to wake Akane, but the yawn from the other end of the bed tells him it’s too late.

“What time is it?” Akane asks, her voice clouded by sleep.

“Too early to be awake.” Junpei hasn’t moved.

Akane sits up and suddenly Carlos feels very strange about having Junpei on top of him. But she doesn’t comment on their position. It’s natural for them to want to be close like this, isn’t it? After all, they’ve just been through a traumatic experience. That’s how Carlos justifies this in his head. It’s a special circumstance, there is no deeper meaning. They’re all friends, after all.

Akane leans over the both of them to check the time. “It’s nearly nine.”

Carlos blinks. He hardly ever sleeps this late. But the drawn curtains of the hotel have blocked out all the morning light, robbing his body of any sense of time.

But it’s morning and it’s time to go. Thoughts of Maria make him sit up suddenly, dumping a scowling Junpei from his chest.

“The hell?”

“We should get moving.” Carlos knows it isn’t fair. He knows Junpei and Akane probably want to rest, but Maria is weighing heavily on his mind. “Please. I’ll buy you breakfast.”

He probably looks as desperate as he feels, because when Akane offers him a smile, it’s too understanding.

“Give me ten minutes and I’ll have Junpei up.”

“Like hell you will.”

 

Somehow, Akane does get Junpei up. She also manages to gather the rest of the D-Com crew, who are in two hotel rooms right down the hall. After escaping from the shelter, it had been Diana who suggested they stop for the night. If it had been up to Carlos, he would have driven that cramped van all through the night until he got back home.

There are a few tears over breakfast. Carlos promises to call later, wishes everyone the best of luck. Phi announces she and Gab have “bonded” and says the dog is coming home with her. There is a bit of an argument, but in the end, Phi wins out.

When it’s finally time to leave, Diana hugs Carlos tightly and whispers, “You had to do it.”

Her words linger with him as puts his bag in the rental car.

Was there really no other way? There was no other _easy_ way, certainly. Even if they managed to convict Delta with some charge, there was no guarantee he wouldn’t just mind hack whoever had custody of him. He was dangerous and uncontrollable. At least that’s what Carlos had to keep telling himself.

“Now you’re just being silly,” Akane says, snapping Carlos back to reality. She and Junpei are arguing behind him as he slams the trunk shut.

“Am not,” Junpei retorts. “My legs are longer, therefore, it makes sense that I should be in the passenger seat.”

“But I’m better at navigating.”

As Carlos watches them bicker, a new thought dawns on him. These two have just gotten engaged (in some timeline anyway. But he can see the ring glittering on Akane’s finger so he figures it’s official in this timeline as well) and here he is, coming between them. He’d even gone so far as to _sleep_ with them last night. Of course they had invited him, but now the morning has come and the last thing they want to do is be dragged back to his tiny apartment and forced to spend the next few days with him. They want their alone time, obviously. But here he is, eating up their few precious moments before they’ll have to dedicate their lives to stopping that terrorist.

“There you go with that face again.”

Carlos is mildly startled to find that Junpei is addressing him.

“It’s gonna freeze like that if you’re not careful.”

“It’s nothing,” Carlos says quickly. He looks between them, acutely aware of the concern on their faces and tries to change the subject. “So who’s riding shotgun?”

“In this universe, it’s me,” Akane says with a hint of a smile. She holds up the quarter in her palm. “It’s heads. But, I suppose, if Junpei wanted to, he could SHIFT to a timeline where it’s tails. But that would just make him a sore loser.”

Junpei snorts. “Give me a break, I’m not that petty.”

Carlos shivers at the mention of other universes. Even though Akane and Junpei can be so casual about it, he still can’t wrap his head around all this madness. There’s a universe where he _didn’t_ shoot Delta. There’s a universe where his parents never died. There are a million universes where he’s dead.

He tries to put them out of his mind as they get into the car.


	2. Chapter 2

It's quiet in the car for the first hour. Carlos gets lost in his own thoughts as he guides the car down the endless stretch of desert. He tries to focus on Maria, and on getting these kids far away from the horror they just witnessed. But, from what he's pieced together, they've seen something similar before. He supposes it's comforting to see that they've survived the first encounter, that they're both still alive despite the things they must have been through. It gives Carlos hope that he too will come out of this alright.

Then he thinks about how Junpei drank himself to sleep every night for a year and shivers.

But it won't be like that this time. Carlos glances in the rearview mirror, sees Junpei leaning with his head against the window, eyes closed. He's not going to let that happen to him again.

A hand on his arm startles him slightly. It's Akane. She's smiling at him.

"What are you thinking about?" she asks, following his gaze. When Carlos hesitates, she says, "Never mind, what _aren't_ you thinking about?"

Carlos grins at her.

"It's a lot, I know." Akane looks into the backseat, at Junpei, apparently asleep. "I'm glad... I'm glad I'm me here now. Is that selfish?"

Carlos knows exactly what she's talking about. He sucks in a breath and stares out into the road hurtling towards them. “I'm glad too,” he says carefully. “I know it feels selfish, but listen, Akane, those versions of us wouldn't have saved the world. We're going to do that.”

Akane's smile gets wider. “I know.” She squeezes Carlos' arm. “I knew there was a reason I liked you.” Her touch lingers for a long moment and Carlos feels his chest getting tighter. He can't explain the feeling, but it makes him uncomfortable in a good way.

“And what you did, Carlos, it was for the right reasons.”

That makes Carlos swallow involuntarily. His hands tighten on the steering wheel and his shoulders get tense. He can't look at Akane now.

“How do you know?” The words are out of his mouth before he can think about them. He instantly feels guilty for putting this on Akane, for making her deal with his complicated emotions.

Akane touches him again, soft and gentle. “Delta was dangerous. You didn’t act because you wanted revenge, or out of hatred. You did it because you wanted to protect us. You did it because you knew none of us would be able to sleep at night if Delta was alive.”

Carlos takes a deep breath. He keeps his eyes carefully trained on the road. The car in front of him is a faded blue. It’s traveling too slowly; he should get over. But it feels like a monumental effort.

“I just wish… I wish I hadn’t acted so quickly.” It had all gone so fast. The gun, the shot, the blood. But it didn’t have to be that way. “Why was it my decision? Why couldn’t I have asked everyone else what they thought?”

Akane is quiet for a moment before she speaks again. “Do you know the knowledge argument?”

Carlos lets out a little stuttering laugh and shakes his head. It’s just like Akane to comfort him with some obscure principal or thought experiment. “No, what’s that one about?”

“Don’t laugh.” Akane’s grinning at him. “The knowledge argument is usually explained with the thought experiment Mary’s Room. Imagine a scientist, Mary, who has spent her whole life in a black and white room. Her computer screen, all of her books, everything is in black and white. Mary is an expert on color. She knows literally everything there is to know about color, even though she’s never seen it.

“So tell me, Carlos, when Mary, the foremost expert on color, exits that room and sees color for the first time, does she learn anything?”

 The words settle over Carlos as he processes them. It seems obvious. “Yeah. She _experiences_ color.”

Akane squeezes his arm. “Exactly. Even though Mary had all of the physical facts, she didn’t have the qualia, the subjective experience, of color.”

Now Carlos can see what she’s getting at. Even if they had discussed it, even if Carlos had prepared himself, even if he knew everything there was to know about shooting someone, he still never would have been ready.

His heart feels a little less heavy.

“Thanks, Akane.”

 

After two hours in the car, Carlos stops at a gas station. He buys Junpei and Akane snacks from the tiny convenience store and is met with varying levels of enthusiasm. Akane is delighted by the bright American candy while Junpei looks him dead in the eye and says, “What am I, five?”

But when Carlos gets back in the car, Junpei is sprawled out in the passenger seat, slowly chewing a bright pink jellybean.

“We're switching,” Junpei says unnecessarily. “We're halfway there, right?”

“More or less,” Carlos replies as he glances out the window. Akane is standing outside of the store, her phone pressed to her ear. “Who’s Akane talking to?”

Junpei leans over to follow Carlos’ gaze. “Her brother, Aoi. I think he’s pissed ‘cause she stopped replying to his ESP.”

Carlos raises his eyebrows. “What?”

“They can do psychic shit,” Junpei says, popping another jellybean into his mouth. “But last night she forgot to message anything to him. I mean, I don’t blame her, we were pretty wiped out.”

Yet another thing Carlos doesn’t understand. He has no idea how Junpei can be so casual about any of this.

“Seriously, how are these legal?” Junpei asks, shoving a neon green jellybean under Carlos' nose. “What do they color these with? Radioactive waste?”

Carlos shrugs, a grin creeping to his features. “You're still eating them.”

The back door opens and Akane gets in. “Sorry. I tried texting him, but he insisted on chewing me out over the phone.” She’s smiling though. “He told me to say ‘hi’ to you, Junpei.”

Junpei snorts. “Sure he did.”

“It’s the truth,” Akane says as Carlos starts up the car. “He wanted to know how you were doing, but I told him I was over you and I’d met someone better looking.”

It takes Carlos a moment to realize _he’s_ the better looking person that Akane is talking about. He smiles at the joke, especially at the way Junpei turns to glare at Akane, and can’t help but feel flattered.

“Let me call him back,” Junpei says, reaching into the back seat. Carlos has to lean over him to see out the back window enough to reverse. “I’m going to tell him I’m just fine and that _I’ve_ met someone better looking.”

“Put your seatbelt on,” Carlos says gently as he shifts into drive.

Junpei thumps back hard into his seat. From the back Carlos can hear Akane giggling.

“Really? I’m a grown-ass man.”

Carlos checks his mirror as he pulls out into the street. “That’s not going to save you from flying out the front window.”

As Junpei grudgingly buckles himself in, Carlos checks the clock on his dashboard. It’s still early; they’ll make it in time for hospital visiting hours.

They’ll make it in time to see Maria.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now the title makes sense! A big thank you to everyone reading! <3 (And shout out to my sister for reading it over and assuring me it made sense.)


	3. Chapter 3

It’s just after two in the afternoon as the car pulls into the hospital parking structure. Carlos can feel himself shaking as he locks the car. He nearly drops the keys.

Junpei snatches the keys from his hand, startling him. He didn't even notice Junpei had been standing there.

“You're gonna lose these if you're not careful,” he says, slipping them into his own pocket.

“Be nice,” Akane says. She puts a gentle hand on Carlos' back. “Are you ready?”

He nods, feeling a little self conscious that she can feel how badly he's shaking. Hell, they can probably _see_ him shaking. He just needs for this to work. He needs Maria to wake up.

Carlos leads them through the hospital automatically. His feet follow the familiar path to the front desk, then into the elevator. And then suddenly they’re standing right outside the room he knows better than his own bedroom.

“So… is this it?” Junpei asks after a moment, making Carlos realize that he’s just been standing there.

“Yeah.”

No one moves until Junpei steps forward to hold the door open for them. Carlos spares him a grateful look before he steps into the room.

And there’s Maria, just as he left her, motionless and connected to an assortment of softly beeping machines.

Her blonde hair is cut short, shorter than she would have ever liked it, Carlos knows, but it’s easier to maintain that way.  It makes her look much younger than she is and the sight of her lying there, looking so small, so vulnerable, fills Carlos with a mixture of pain and relief. He’s glad she’s still here, still safe, right where he left her, but seeing her like this is never easy.

Carlos pulls a chair up to the bed and takes Maria’s hand. It’s warm and _alive_ and makes his chest contract. He swallows hard, willing himself not to get emotional, but he thought he would never see her again and now he’s here.

 “Hey,” he says, his voice barely a whisper. Normally he feels weird if others are in the room when he talks to his sister, but he finds he doesn’t mind if Akane and Junpei hear. “I'm back. I brought people who are going to help you, okay, Maria?”

There is no response. There never is; not even a flutter of an eyelid. But that will change. Oh God, he hopes that will change.

When Carlos is certain his voice will function above a whisper, he looks up at Junpei and Akane. They’re still there, watching him. Well, Junpei looks away hastily when Carlos catches him, but Akane makes eye contact, holds it steady.

There’s a quiet reassurance in her gaze that makes Carlos strong enough to speak. “Okay… okay. Where do we start?”

Akane nods and pulls one of the other chairs into position next to Carlos. She motions for Junpei to do the same. “We're going to access morphogenetic field.”

Carlos worries at his lip. “We don't have to be… in danger?”

“For SHIFTing, yes.” Akane is all business and it reminds Carlos unpleasantly of their time in the decision game. “But accessing the field is a little different. Danger helps, but Junpei and I are experienced.”

“Speak for yourself,” Junpei says, fidgeting in his chair. Carlos notices he's looking everywhere but the hospital bed in front of him. It must be making him uncomfortable.

Akane rolls her eyes. “You too, Carlos. You being here helps. You're amplifying our power.” She takes Carlos' hand as he processes her words. He still can't get used to the idea that he has anything supernatural about him.

“She's not going to get better right away.” Akane squeezes his hand. “It will take a few sessions.”

Carlos nods. He doesn't trust himself to speak. A few sessions. After years of trying to find a cure it’s only going to take _a few sessions._

“Alright. Let’s begin.” Akane takes Junpei's hand with her free one and closes her eyes.

For a brief moment, Carlos wonders if he should do the same. He gives Maria one last, long look before closing his own eyes.

He isn't sure what he should be feeling. The pressure of Akane's hand is steady and comforting. He focuses on the sensation, letting the touch envelope him. Everything else slowly slips away, until his only thought is the warmth of Akane's skin and the softness of her fingers.

 

Something tells Carlos he should open his eyes. He does so just in time to catch the minute movement of Maria's right hand. It twitches, the fingers slowly curling in, her palm lifting from the sheets a fraction of an inch. Carlos doesn't move, doesn't breathe.

Maria's hand comes down again, stills.

Carlos exhales.

“What happened?” he asks in a rush as he releases Akane's hand to grab his sister's. That was the most movement he's seen from her in a year.

When the disease first struck, she had been conscious. Years and years ago, she would be awake for their visits. Occasionally, she would slip away into a daydream, forget things, little things, but gradually it worsened until she became totally comatose.

“It's working.” Akane's voice is far away. “She's responding.”

Carlos squeezes his eyes shut as he pitches forward and clings to Maria's hand. His breathing is ragged and he’s shaking again. The relief is overwhelming. All this time he had been trying to earn more money, find the best doctors and these two kids from Japan had made a real difference, just like that.

“Visiting hours are over,” a voice at the door says. Vaguely, Carlos can hear Akane talking to the voice, telling it that they'll be just a moment.

“How long have we been here?” Carlos breathes, tilting his head to look at Junpei.

Junpei glances to the wall, to the clock above them. “Two hours maybe? You were out of it, man. I got up to piss halfway through.”

“What?” Carlos straightens up a little, sucks a breath to keep his emotions in check. “We just got here.”

Junpei shakes his head. “Trust me, we haven't. Damn, Akane must have been sucking you dry.”

Though the statement doesn't seem odd to Carlos, Junpei winces after and turns a peculiar shade of red. “I didn't mean it like that, pervert.”

Carlos quirks his head to the side and frowns, watching as Junpei stares at him.

After a moment Junpei says, “Wow, you really are dense, huh?” and grins.

It is an expression Carlos didn't think he'd ever seen on Junpei. It's nice, carefree, and Carlos vows to make him do it again.

“Alright, come on, we really do need to go,” Akane says, reappearing by their side. “Carlos, are you okay to drive?”

Carlos thinks it is a strange question until he stands and finds his legs have turned to mush. He sways in place and Junpei is there, hands on his chest, steadying him. “Watch it.”

For a moment they just stand there, Carlos on the verge of collapsing and Junpei holding him with steady hands. And then he finds his legs and says, “I'm alright.”

But even so, as they walk to the parking lot, both Junpei and Akane keep a hand on his shoulders.

 

Carlos brings them through the drive through of a burger joint after they leave the hospital. The fatigue is setting in and no one feels like getting out of the car for a meal.

When Carlos pulls into the parking lot of his apartment building, he begins to feel slightly self conscious about bringing them back to his place. Everything about it screams budget. The sidewalks are cracked and thick with old gum, the stairs are dirty and covered in graffiti. Carlos hopes they are too tired to notice any of this as he unlocks his door and ushers them in.

The apartment itself is clean on the inside, but it's tiny. The three of them spill into the main room, which is half kitchen, half living room. There’s a couch on the right side and a fridge and countertops crammed into the left. A table sits somewhere in the middle with one, lonely chair pushed into it. It’s not much, but Carlos has missed it.

According to the clock on the wall, it’s nearly 8. It simultaneously feels later and earlier than it is. On the one hand, Carlos feels like he’s been awake forever, but on the other, he feels like time has slipped away from him.

And here, in the apartment, he’s suddenly reminded of all the things he has to do. He has to check his mail, look at his answering machine, return the rental car, call the fire house at some point. Everything feels too overwhelming.

“Nice place,” Akane says, and Carlos knows she’s being polite but he thanks her anyway.

“There’s not much space,” he says apologetically, “but you can set your bags anywhere.” He dumps his own by the couch, just to be rid of it. All he wants to do is collapse into bed.

Bed.

A new thought enters his mind. He only has one bedroom. He was waiting to move into a better apartment after Maria got better. With her in the hospital, he only needed one room. There are three of them and he _knows_ they don’t want to share the bed with him again.

“You two can take the bed,” Carlos says, moving across the room to the bedroom door. “Right through here.”

He turns when he doesn’t hear footsteps behind him. He’s just in time to see Akane and Junpei share a look.

“You have a single bed or something?” Junpei asks, cocking his head to the side. Carlos feels himself getting warm under their gazes.

“No.” Carlos scrubs a hand behind his head. “I just figured, you know, you’re _engaged_ right? You probably want some space.”

A smile splits across Akane’s face. “You’re sweet, but it’s fine. Stay with us.” She hesitates for a moment. “Unless you’d rather not?”

His ears are turning red now. “Um, I mean…” He’s trying to piece this together, wondering if there’s something he’s not getting here. Are they having problems? Do they need Carlos as a buffer? Are they still worried about him?

Junpei snorts. “Come on, man, don’t get all no-homo on me now.”

A nervous laugh sputters from Carlos’ throat and he shakes his head. “Right, yeah, sorry, I mean, there’s plenty of room.”

And that’s how the three of them end up in bed together again. Carlos isn’t sure how he ends up in the middle, but somehow Akane is clinging to him and Junpei is curled away from him, back pressed into his side. It feels… natural. Carlos likes it. He likes the feeling of warmth and safety and he tries to savor it, but it feels weird when he doesn’t understand it. He has never been this close to any of his other friends. But, then again, his other friends are burly firemen who are the very definition of “no-homo.”

Junpei shifts towards Carlos and reaches for Akane’s hand. As their intertwined fingers settle over Carlos’ chest, he forces his mind to shut up.


	4. Chapter 4

Carlos jolts awake in a cold sweat the next morning.

He's panting, eyes blown, as remnants of a dream flash through his mind. Gunshots ripping through his body over and over. His axe dripping with Akane's blood. Junpei in the freezer. Delta lying out in the Nevada sun…

“Carlos?”

He snaps back into himself. He's sitting up in bed, curled forward with his knees draw up to his chest, a position he doesn’t remember moving into. When he lifts his head, he comes face to face with Junpei, who's got a steady hand on his back.

“Are you okay?”

Carlos opens his mouth to speak but it gets lost in his throat. He swallows thickly and shuts his eyes. Another, smaller hand comes to rest on the small of his back.

“You were dreaming about it, weren't you?” Akane says, leaning in close. “I was too, I'm sorry.”

Carlos doesn't know why she's sorry. He wants to tell her not to be, but he doesn't trust his voice. Akane brushes the hair from his face and tugs one of his hands into hers.

“Thanks, Akane,” Junpei mutters. To Carlos, he says, “She was doing the morphogenetic field thing in her sleep.”

“Oh,” is all Carlos can say. He looks to Akane, who's got her eyebrows knitted in concern. “I… I mean, I would have dreamed about it anyway.” He doesn't want to ask what this means. He doesn't want to know who can and can't get into his head. Not right now, anyway. Later, he can sort this out, but now he finds he desperately wants to be alone.

Both of them close like this just complicates matters. He doesn't know what he's doing between them. He's afraid to ask because he doesn't want it to stop but he knows that maybe it _should_ stop. The last thing he wants to do is damage their relationship and he has no idea if that's what he's doing.

It doesn't help that he can't stop thinking about shooting an old man in the desert.

Carlos allows himself another minute to sit there with two of them rubbing small circles into his back before he sits up straighter and squints through the morning light to the clock on his nightstand. It's six. Still early.

“I'm going for a run,” he says, making Junpei quirk an eyebrow at him.

“Now? I mean, I guess you have that body for a reason.” Junpei's voice goes low and he smirks, earning him a playful smack from Akane.

“Is now really the time for that?”

Carlos laughs nervously. This is the reason he needs to get out. He doesn't understand their motives.

 

The sun has risen in earnest by the time Carlos returns to his apartment. He's covered in a thin sheen of sweat and there's a slight burn to his muscles, but he feels better. Running on the treadmill at Dcom was not as satisfying as being outdoors.

Now his head is clear and he's ready to do the whole morphogenetic thing at the hospital again. He has no idea what he actually _did_ , but apparently he helped. And that's enough for him.

But just as he's about to put the key in the lock, he pauses at the sound of his name. It takes him a moment to recognize that Junpei and Akane are in the living room. And they're talking about him.

He shouldn't listen, he knows he shouldn't listen, but Carlos does anyway. He needs to know what's happening between them.

“He's really dense, isn't he?” Junpei is saying.

“A little,” Akane admits. “Maybe it’s too soon. He has a lot on his mind.”

“I think he just can't take a hint.”

Carlos puts the key in the lock. He doesn't want to listen anymore.

When he opens the door, they immediately stop talking. Both of them act normal, like they're happy to see him, but Carlos can't get their words from his head.

_Can't take a hint._

His worst fears have been confirmed.

But he can't help but feel a little indignant and, frankly, mislead. Why did the two of them insist on always being so close to him then? Was it a cultural thing? Or… were they _trying_ to make him uncomfortable? Trying to push him away?

Or has he misunderstood what they were talking about _yet again?_

Whatever it is, Carlos can't think about it anymore. He has to keep focused on Maria.

 

Carlos doesn’t say much as he drives them to the hospital later. Maybe they assume he’s still thinking about his haunting dreams, because neither comments on his silence.

When they get up to Maria’s room, Carlos feels more at ease. He’s been here so often that even though the room is white and impersonal, it feels like home. Here he feels safe. Here, his sister is safe.

Carlos is holding Maria’s hand when Akane asks if he’s ready. He nods and lets her take his hand. He doesn’t know if this is part of the whole experience or not. He hopes it is. He hopes it’s not Junpei and Akane playing some twisted game with him.

He shakes the thought away. He never used to think like this, always saw the best in people. He still _does_ try to see the best in people, but after everything he saw, after everything he went through… it’s hard.

Akane’s aura or energy or whatever engulfs him again. This time it lingers a little. He feels Junpei’s presence like he’s sitting right next to him when in fact he’s on Akane’s other side. And Maria… he swears it feels as though Maria is looking right at him.

This time, it feels longer. The darkness laps over him, enveloping him in a comfortable nothingness. Here he can’t think. Here, he’s just _nothing_ and it feels good to get away from himself for awhile.

And there it is again, the feeling he should open his eyes. When he does, he’s suddenly staring into his sister’s bright green eyes.

Maria squeezes his hand and the world stops. For a moment it’s just the two of them and the hospital has dropped away.

Then the world crashes back into focus. Maria gags on the tubes down her throat, a rapid beeping pierces through the air, Junpei swears, a nurse comes rushing into the room.

Akane’s hand clamps over his bicep. “Carlos,” she murmurs, “time to go.”

But Maria is _awake_ and clutching his hand and coughing. God he wants to rip all of that nonsense out of her mouth.

“No, she needs me,” he insists, but when he turns to Akane, he sees the doctor looming behind her.

“Everyone, out,” the doctor says in a tone that does not invite argument. She's smaller than Carlos but her eyes are severe and dangerous.

Carlos feels like screaming, feels like telling the doctor that not even an earthquake will move him from this spot, but Maria keeps coughing at retching so violently that he relents. He squeezes Maria’s hand one more time before letting Akane drag him out of the room.

 

“She woke up,” Carlos says into the eerie silence of the hallway. He’s sitting next to Akane in a hard plastic chair with a very vague memory of having gotten there. The last few minutes have blurred together and he can’t remember where Junpei’s gone in that time.

“She did,” Akane says with a gentle smile. “At this rate, we could have her totally in control of her powers in a few days.”

_Days._

After a year of not talking to his sister, a year of her just lying there, she’s finally going to be cured. Carlos sucks in a shaky breath and it hits him all at once.

Carlos can’t remember the last time he cried. He’s good at hiding his feelings, at being strong for other people. But now he can’t help himself. The tightness in his throat threatens to choke him as he buries his head in his hands and just _sobs._

Akane’s arms are around him, pulling him towards her. He relents, lets himself cry into her shoulder, lets her tranquil energy, her steady hands calm him. For the first time in a long time, he feels like things are finally starting to get better.

Just as Carlos manages to get his breathing under control, just as he starts to pull away, he hears someone clear their throat. Carlos looks up to see Junpei standing there, a cardboard tray of coffee in his hands.

“It’s not what it looks like!” Carlos says quickly, putting his hands up in defense. God, didn’t he decide just this morning that he wasn’t going to make this any more complicated than he already had?

But Junpei barks a laugh. “ _It’s not what it looks like_? Did you seriously just say that? What is this, a bad movie?”

Carlos feels the blood rushing to his face. He rubs a hand behind his neck, pointedly not looking at Akane. “I just… you know.”

Junpei raises an eyebrow. “If you’re talking about that one timeline, just forget about it.” He pauses, shifts the coffee tray in his hands. “I… I trust you now, okay? I know what kind of person you are.”

“Aw, Jumpy,” Akane teases, “That was sweet.”

Junpei rolls his eyes at her as he plucks a cup off the tray and thrusts it at her. “Shut up.” He offers another cup to Carlos, a bit hesitantly. “You like coffee, right?”

“Yeah, thanks,” Carlos says, grateful to have something to take the focus off himself. He wraps his hands around the warm cup and focuses on the sensation.

Junpei digs into his jacket pocket and produces some packets of cream and sugar. “Figured you might want these?”

Akane reaches out but Junpei jerks his hand away. “Not for you, I already put some in yours.”

“Or really?” Akane purses her lips before she takes an experimental sip of her coffee. She blinks. “You remembered.”

Junpei shrugs, falsely casual, as he presses the cream and sugar into Carlos’ hands. “Of course I did.”

The hallway grows quiet as Carlos empties a sugar packet into his cup. He peers between Junpei and Akane. Junpei is leaning into the wall, sipping his coffee and Akane is watching him thoughtfully.

“You might as well remember Carlos’ coffee preferences too,” Akane says after a long silence. “It looks like three creams and two sugar?”

Startled, Carlos nods. “Uh, yeah. I don’t like it too strong.”

Junpei scoffs. “That’s not even coffee anymore. It’s supposed to be bitter! Carlos, I can’t believe you would ruin your coffee like that.”

A little smile creeps to Carlos’ face. “Just try it.” He offers the cup to Junpei without thinking. It’s not until the cup is at Junpei’s lips that Carlos thinks the action is too intimate. There he goes again.   

“Weak,” Junpei mutters, handing the cup back.

“You liked it,” Akane says, tapping a finger on her own cup thoughtfully. “I could see it on your face.”

Junpei drops into the seat next to Carlos. “Did not.”

The door opens, interrupting their conversation. Carlos stands quickly, nearly spilling his drink.

“She’s resting now,” the doctor says. She’s a petite woman with soft eyebrows and an upturned nose but her eyes are as hard as diamonds. “We don’t quite know yet what caused the change in her condition, but you’re welcome to see her.”

Carlos nearly bolts for the door, but catches himself. He turns to look at Junpei and Akane and they nod encouragingly at him. Junpei’s lips pull back into that grin that makes Carlos curiously lightheaded, but he pushes it out of his head as he enters the room.

And there’s Maria, free of all the wires and tubes. Carlos feels like crying again, but instead he sucks in a deep breath and falls into the chair next to the bed.

“How are you doing, kiddo?”

Maria’s eyes flutter open as Carlos takes her hand. Her expression is a little far off, unfocused, but after a moment, her gaze sharpens and her eyes widen.

“Carlos?” she breathes and her voice is like a stab to the chest. He holds her hand tighter, but not too tight. “Where am I?”

“The hospital. But it’s alright. You’re alright now,” he whispers, afraid to speak any louder.

Maria stares at him for a moment longer before her shoulders start shaking. “Why? I was just—” Her eyes go wide. The fear in them alarms Carlos.

Slowly, her free hand travels up to her head, up to her too short hair. Carlos’ stomach drops.

“How long have I been here?”

There’s a moment’s silence where Carlos tries to formulate his answer in a way that doesn’t make her even more scared than she already is.

“Since the fire.” He doesn’t elaborate, doesn’t tell her just how many years ago that was.

“No.” Maria clutches his hand. Her fingernails dig into his skin. “I… I got better. It was just carbon monoxide poisoning. Then I got better.”

For a moment, Carlos is confused, and then it clicks in his head. Reverie Syndrome is a constant daydream. Maria has been living her life in her own head, unaware of the outside world.

The thought churns his stomach.

Carlos shakes his head. He forces himself to be calm, to be strong for his sister. “You’ve been asleep, Maria, for a long time now. Whatever you think has been happening, it’s… it’s not real.”

“No… You’re wrong.” Maria pulls her hand back sharply. She pulls into herself and Carlos has to stop from reaching out. He doesn’t want to scare her. “This isn’t real. This is another weird dream.”

“Another?” Carlos presses. He needs to keep her talking, to keep her from slipping away again.

Maria hesitates, watching Carlos with a suspicion that makes his chest ache. “Yeah. I’ve been dreaming about a girl. She’s just _there_ , watching me. Sometimes she says things, but I can never remember what.”

“That’s my friend, that’s Akane.” Carlos tries not to be too eager, tries to keep his voice neutral, but he feels like he’s close to getting through to her. “Maria, this is real, I promise. Doesn’t this feel real?” He reaches a hand out to her.

But she doesn’t take it. Her hands creep into her too short hair and she squeezes her eyes shut. Carlos notices too late that her teeth are cutting into her lip.

He lurches forward, startled, as the blood dribbles from her lip. He fumbles for a tissue on the nightstand, but when he turns to press it to her lip, Maria’s staring right through him.

“It hurts,” she whispers. “I’m bleeding, aren’t I?”

“You are,” Carlos says, very softly. He dabs at her mouth, staunching the flow of blood.

“So we _are_ … real?”

Even though he’s just been trying to convince Maria of this very fact, Carlos can’t help but wonder. After everything he’s been through, all of the terrible things he’s seen and done, he has no idea what real is anymore.

But when Maria looks at him with her wide, sparkling eyes, Carlos knows, without a doubt, that they’re here and _real_.

“We are.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Am now at 9,300 words. Thanks for reading! <3 <3


	5. Chapter 5

When Carlos next emerges from the room, he doesn’t even bother hiding how red and puffy his eyes are. Both of them had cried. And then, when they had cried themselves out, Maria had been too tired to stay awake, so Carlos promised to return as soon as he could the next day.

Junpei and Akane are in the chairs in the hallway still and Carlos feels guilty for making them wait. But, according to the clock on the wall, he’d been in there for less than an hour.

Akane is the first to stand. “How is she?”

Carlos swallows, his smile shaky. “She’s good. She’s fine now.” He pauses. Both of them are standing. “And it’s thanks to the two of you. Without you, she’d still be…” He trails off, unwilling to think about it. “Anyway… thank you.”

Without thinking, Carlos throws his arms around the both of them. Akane reacts first, instantly winding an arm around him, but Junpei is caught off guard and makes a noise of protest before awkwardly patting Carlos on the back.

“Okay, okay,” Junpei mutters into Carlos’ shoulder. “You’re welcome.”

Carlos releases them and is pleased to see that the grin is back on Junpei’s face.

 

“I’ll take the couch tonight,” Carlos says, gently, but firmly. He’s done coming between Junpei and Akane. Whatever is going on between them they’re going to have to sort out on their own because Carlos is too tired to sort out anyone else’s feelings at the moment.

The three of them are wedged onto Carlos’ couch, but not uncomfortably. Junpei is in the middle with Carlos to his left and Akane to his right. Up until that moment, they had been looking at their phones, but now all the focus is on Carlos.

“Are you sure?” Akane asks. Carlos can't read her tone. “There’s enough room.”

Carlos nods. “The couch is better for my back.”

It’s a stupid lie, one that Junpei snorts at. “Alright then, Grandpa. If you insist.”

Later, when they do go to bed, Carlos hates that he feels so lonely curling up on the couch by himself.

 

_The shot, the blood. 6 billion people dead. 8 billion people dead._

Carlos wakes up with a start, alone.

 

When Carlos gets back from his run, Junpei is apparently waiting for him. He's sitting on the couch, thumbing his phone, but when he looks up, there's an air of expectation that makes Carlos nervous.

“Good run?” Junpei asks, setting his phone aside.

“Yeah,” Carlos says, for some reason feeling that a one word answer won't suffice. “Uh very... relaxing.” He's made it worse. His face heats up a little and he hopes Junpei doesn't notice or attributes it to physical activity.

If he does, he doesn't comment. Instead, he leans back into the couch and says, “Akane missed you last night.”

It catches Carlos off guard. He inhales sharply and tries to look as casual as Junpei, but he's sure his shock is registered all over his face. “Oh.” That's all he can say. Suddenly the situation feels dangerous. Is he walking into a trap? It feels like Junpei is trying to trick him into saying something, into admitting that maybe his feelings are more than platonic. Carlos doesn't want to fight, not for real.

But maybe this is a good thing. Maybe now Carlos can get clarity on what he's been too dense to see.

Junpei sighs and pushes the hair from his eyes. “Don't give me that look. Are you really gonna make me say it?”

“Say... what?” Carlos knows he sounds stupid. He can't get his breathing right. He is already out of breath from his run, but now his body can't remember how to breathe normally.

The shower stops running. Carlos didn't even know it was going until the absence of sound makes an impression on him. 

Junpei scoffs and pulls his arms across his chest. “Geeze. You're hopeless, you know? But I guess I suck at this too.”

Carlos swallows, wipes the sweat off his forehead. He's not going to get any straight answers from Junpei, so he's going to clear everything up once and for all. He knows what this is about. He heard them yesterday.

“Right, uh, I’m sorry,” Carlos says thickly. “I mean, I don’t want you to get the wrong idea.”

Something flashes across Junpei’s face that Carlos can’t quite place. But he doesn’t have time to ponder it or even elaborate like he wants to because his phone starts vibrating. He pulls it out of his pocket automatically, ignoring Junpei’s scandalized noise.

Even before he checks the caller ID, Carlos knows it’s the hospital.

“Hello?” Carlos asks as he presses the phone to his ear. His heart has picked up again and he feels he’ll never get his breath back.

Junpei’s eyes are on him. The bathroom door eases open and Akane’s there, peering into the room. Her hair falls around her shoulders in damp clumps.

Both of them watch as the words from the phone wash over Carlos. He nods numbly, even though he knows the person on the other end can’t see. He tells the speaker he’ll be over shortly, then hangs up.

“We’ve gotta go,” Carlos finds his voice is a precarious calm. “She’s relapsed.”

He should have seen this coming. It was too easy, too good to be true. Carlos thought the suffering he had gone through in the shelter was enough to earn him even a small victory, but life doesn't work like that.

 

The only thing that keeps Carlos from driving like a blind drunk is the fact that Akane and Junpei are in the car. It’s the both of them that keep him grounded as they make their way back up the familiar path to Maria’s room.

The same doctor greets them just outside the room. Her face is a mask of calm professionalism but Carlos can tell she’s worried. “She was asking for you. Then… well, I wasn’t in the room, but the nurse tells me that she just collapsed. She wasn’t breathing. We’ve had to put her back on the ventilator.”

The woman probably expects Carlos to ask questions, but he doesn’t even make one up. He knows what Maria needs. She needs for them to reach out to her in the morphogenetic field again.

“Can we see her?”

The doctor nods and steps aside. “Please, call if you need anything.”

Carlos has to brace himself as they file into the familiar room. Even though he's used  to seeing Maria like this, the sight of her unconscious and hooked up to machines once again cuts him deep. But it won't be for long, he swears he'll wake her up again soon.

“Ready?” Akane asks at his shoulder. The chairs are already set up. She hasn’t wasted any time.

“Is it going to work this time?” Carlos asks, ignoring the question. He turns to face Akane and Junpei. “I can’t keep putting her through this.”

“I don’t know,” Akane says and it’s not what Carlos wants to hear. At least she’s honest. She hesitates for a moment, then says, “Why don’t you reach out to her this time, Carlos?”

Carlos frowns. “Me? I don’t know how to do that.”

Junpei snorts. “You think _I_ know how to do that shit? You’re connected, you told us as much. Remember when you heard her voice in the fire?”

“I don’t know how I did it. I just… heard her because she needed me.”

Akane touches his shoulder gently. “And she needs you now. Just give it a try. We’ll be right here.” She moves around him to take a seat in the chair on the far left, where Carlos usually sits.

“Don’t over think it,” Junpei advises, sitting in his usual seat.

Carlos looks between them, still unsure. He swallows hard and looks back at his sister. She looks so lifeless just lying there. He wants to talk to her again, to save her from her constant loop of unreality. He has to do this.

He sits in the empty seat, feeling only marginally more confident when Akane takes his hand.

“Junpei,” Akane says expectantly. Junpei raises his eyebrows at her.

“Is holding hands really a requirement? I mean, I don’t want Carlos to get the _wrong idea_ or anything.”

The way Junpei says it makes Carlos feel guilty for some reason he can’t place. But Carlos holds out his hand anyway. “It can’t hurt.”

Junpei narrows his eyes as he takes the offered hand and Carlos forces himself to put Junpei out of his mind for now. He knows they should have finished their conversation earlier, but he can't waste energy dwelling on it.

“Okay.” Akane is all business now. “Go on, Carlos, send her a message. Take as long as you need to. Junpei and I are making you stronger, you’ll be alright.”

Carlos wishes he would have asked Akane more about the process, wishes he knew exactly what he was supposed to do. But he thinks back to what she told him days previous, about the Knowledge Argument. He’s already talked to Maria through the morphogenetic field, he’s already SHIFTed. It doesn’t matter that he doesn’t have the knowledge, he has the qualia.

He hopes that will be enough.

“Okay. I’m ready.”

Carlos closes his eyes and tries to shut out the gentle hum of the machines, tunes out even the breathing of the people next to him. He needs to get Maria out of the hospital. He needs to get through to her. He can’t keep giving her hope then plunging her back into the darkness.

Time blurs together. The dark behind his eyelids grows to an unnatural, inky black. One thought reverberates around his head, growing louder and stronger inside his own mind.

_Maria._

 

_Carlos?_

He doesn’t hear his name so much as feel it.

 _I’m here._ He thinks it into the abyss, he _feels_ it with everything he has.

_I’m sorry. I can’t do it._

The fear hits Carlos in a wave. It’s coming from Maria.

 _Yes, you can._ He gathers up all the calm he can and tries to project it as best he can. He pushes it away from himself, trying to get it Maria. _I know you can_.

 _No, you don’t understand._ A rush of sadness behind her words clutches at Carlos’ chest. _I don’t want to. I saw it, Carlos, I saw you dreaming about it. About what happened to you, about the world ending. The first time I saw it, I thought it was just a nightmare. Then you dreamt about it again and… It’s true, isn’t it? Everything that happened to you, everything that's going to happen. I don’t want… I_ can’t _live in a world like that. I want to stay here, is that awful? I’m… I’m happy here._

The truth of it nearly jolts Carlos out of whatever trance he’s in. He feels everything getting hazy, watches the pitch black slide away…

Someone squeezes his hand and he snaps back into it. Maria needs him more than ever.

 _Maria._ Carlos has a new idea. _You want to hear a story?_

She doesn’t say anything, but Carlos can feel her listening.

_Once upon a time there was a girl named Maria—_

_I’m not a kid anymore!_ But there’s a lightness in her that makes Carlos press on.

_Maria was very smart, so smart that she spent her days locked in her room, studying. She loved to learn about colors, but everything in her room was black and white. Her books, her walls, even her computer. Not once in her life had she ever seen the slightest hint of color. But why would she need to when she was an expert? She knew how it worked, she didn’t need to see it for herself. She was so sure she didn’t need to see color that she vowed to never leave her room._

_As time passed, Maria became restless. She had learned everything there was to know about color except for what it looked like. All she had to do was leave her room and there would be a world full of colors outside her door._

_But she was afraid. She had spent so long in her room that she was afraid color wouldn’t be as great as she imagined it. How could it be? And what if, after a lifetime of black and white, her eyes couldn’t process color?_

The raw emotion sweeps through Carlos. _What did she do?_

_Maria was very smart and very brave. She knew that if she was ever going to leave her room, she would have to make it uninhabitable. Because if she stepped outside, and didn’t like what she saw, how was she ever going to go back to being happy in that black and white room? There would always be colors in the back of her mind, reminding her of what she was missing. She needed to destroy it._

_Maria set fire to the room._

_The red flames were unlike anything she had ever seen. Her first color, consuming everything, destroying her old life. She was sad, yes, but she had done this with her own two hands. She had made the choice to step outside. Even though it was hard, even though the world outside isn’t always beautiful. Even though there are bad things in the world—_

Carlos tries to keep his emotions in check, but he can feel them bubbling over, crashing out of him in waves. And there’s Maria, soaking it all up.

_Maria opened the door. And outside, her brother was waiting for her._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm happy to share this one with you!! I hope everyone likes it! The next chapter MIGHT be the last chapter but, well, we'll see as I haven't finished writing that chapter yet. Yep, the fic has caught up with me. So if it doesn't go up tomorrow, it'll go up on Monday. Sorry! I'm gonna try for tomorrow, buuut if I'm not happy with it, yeah, it'll have to wait until Monday.


	6. Chapter 6

When Carlos forces his eyes open, it's like he's breaking the water's surface. He gasps for breath, and his heart feels as if it’s about to explode out of his chest, but he doesn't let that slow him. He releases Junpei and Akane's hands and scrabbles forward, toward the bed.

Just as he hoped, Maria is _awake._ She’s wide eyed and blinking as she reaches for the mask covering her face, but Carlos grabs her hand, holds it tight.

“It's okay, just rest. It's okay now.”

He doesn’t cry as her eyes overflow with tears. He takes her into his arms and lets her cry into his shoulder until the doctors order him out of the room.

 

Back in the familiar hallway, Carlos feels as though he might faint.

All the adrenaline that had got him out here has faded and he's sitting with his head between his knees in an uncomfortable plastic chair as Akane rubs small circles in his back. He feels dizzy and sick but still, he's so goddamn happy.

“I heard what you said,” Akane says, her voice sounding far away. He latches onto it, wills himself to stay conscious. “It wasn't exactly the message you're supposed to get from Mary's Room, but I'm glad it meant something to you.”

Carlos inhales, finds his voice. “I didn't think the original point applied in this case.”

“I don't think it really applied the first time either,” Akane says wryly. “You're just good at connecting the dots. Well... sometimes.”

There are footsteps in the hallway but Carlos doesn't have the strength to look up.

“Here, Carlos, drink this.” Junpei is nudging his shoulder with something. Carlos looks up enough to see that it's a bottle of water.

“Thanks.” Carlos' arm feels like lead as he takes the bottle from Junpei.

Junpei shrugs and shoves a hand into his jacket pocket. “Got you this, too, if you're hungry.”  He produces a shrink wrapped muffin that Carlos can't decide if he wants or not. He settles for setting it on his lap for the moment.

“What did you get me?” Akane's tone is mostly joking, but Junpei pulls another muffin out of his other pocket. He tosses it at her without comment.

Akane catches it. “I knew you hadn’t really changed.”

There’s a moment’s silence. Carlos feels like he shouldn’t be here, like he’s about to witness something private between the two of them.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Junpei mutters, brushing the hair from his eyes. “’Course I’ve changed. It’s been a year, people change.”

“You’re still mad at me. I know you are. It’s okay, I don’t blame you. You’re afraid I’m going to hurt you again, that’s why you’re keeping up the act. But it’s okay, Jumpy, I’m not going anywhere.”

Akane holds out her hand and for a moment, Carlos thinks that Junpei isn’t going to take it. But he does. He does and then he does something Carlos has never seen him do, he leans down and kisses her.

It isn’t until they pull apart that Carlos thinks he should have looked away. He does so, quickly, before they can see that he’s been openly staring at them. But watching them has sparked something in him. He feels warm and happy, but there’s something else too, something that he vaguely recognizes as longing, something that he’s been feeling lately but didn’t dare think.

He wants this.

 

The doctor lets Carlos see Maria before visiting hours are up. This time he brings Akane and Junpei into the room with him. He figures it's time to officially introduce them.

Maria is awake when they walk in. She looks about as tired as Carlos feels, but her eyes are bright and alert.

“I know them,” she says immediately, pointing at Akane and Junpei. “I think?”

Carlos smiles as the three of them settle into the chairs that he feels like he spends his life in. “Maria, these are my friends, Akane and Junpei. They're the ones who have been helping you out.”

“You've been helping too,” Junpei says immediately. “That last one was all you.”

Carlos feels himself flush a little at the praise but shrugs it off.

“It's nice to finally meet you,” Akane says. “You look like your brother.”

“ _Now_ I do,” Maria says, scrubbing at her short hair. She pauses for a moment, looks between the three of them. “What... exactly have you being doing? You've been in my head, haven't you?”

The words aren't accusatory, but Carlos knows she's feeling invaded. He's felt something similar. “I'll explain it to you later. It's... complicated.”

For a moment he thinks Maria is going to force him into explaining the ins and outs of the morphogenetic field, but she stifles a yawn instead. “Promise?”

“I'll draw a picture and everything.”

Maria smiles, satisfied. She closes her eyes for a moment and Carlos almost suggests that they leave. She definitely needs her rest after that.

But instead she says something that catches Carlos off guard.

“Akane, Junpei, thank you. I’m so glad my brother has friends to watch out for him now.”

“Hey, don’t say it like that,” Carlos says, his ears burning. “You make it sound like I’ve never had friends.”

But when he sneaks a furtive glance at Akane and Junpei, both of them are smiling.

“Well, someone’s gotta watch out for him,” Junpei says, shaking his head. “He’s kind of hopeless.”

Carlos makes a noise of protest, but Akane speaks before he can defend himself. “You’re welcome, Maria. We’ll take good care of him.”

Carlos scrubs at the back of his neck with his hand and coughs. He watches as his sister stifles another yawn. Her eyes drift closed for a second before she snaps back up to attention.

“Okay, okay, Maria needs her rest.”

Maria blinks quickly and opens her eyes wider. “No! Okay, yes. But I’m fine now; I can go home with you, right?”

Carlos sighs. “Not yet. Let’s focus on getting you out of bed first, okay?”

Maria makes a face, then looks past him to Junpei and Akane. “Are they staying with you? I’d feel better knowing you’re not going home alone.”

“Hey, quit it,” Carlos mutters, but he’s smiling. “I’m the one who’s supposed to be worrying about you.”

 

“We are,” Junpei says, and Carlos is secretly pleased to see him smiling. “Don’t worry. We’ll get him home in one piece.”

Akane nods. “Alright. Let’s give them a minute, okay? We’ll meet you outside, Carlos. And, Maria, I’m glad you’re awake.”

After Akane and Junpei leave, Carlos suddenly doesn’t know what to say to his sister. There were so many things he wanted to tell her, but now that she’s awake he can’t remember a single thing.

“I’m sorry.”

This startles Carlos. He leans forward, ready to take her hand and tell her that everything is forgiven, that she has nothing to be sorry for.

But she pulls her hands to her chest and presses on. Her eyebrows are knitted together and all Carlos wants to do is make her smile again. “I was selfish. I let myself get swept up in it again, even though I knew better. It’s _you_ who had all the awful things happen to them. And _I_ couldn’t handle it. I wanted to go back to the other world where you were fine. But that’s not fair to you. This you here is the real you.”

For a moment, Carlos wonders if that’s true. He wonders if maybe she hasn’t been living in her head, that maybe she’s been SHIFTing. Maybe he has dragged her out of a better timeline and into this shitty one. Maybe _he’s_ been selfish.

It’s a horrifying thought that clutches at his chest and makes him feel cold.

No. It’s not a shitty timeline. It’s the timeline where he lives. The timeline he fought so hard for. The timeline he’s going to continue to fight for.

“That’s right,” Carlos says, feeling stronger as he says it, “These are our real selves. It doesn’t matter what happened before. You’re here now and I’m going to do everything I can to make sure this world is just as good as the other world.”

And when Maria hugs him, Carlos believes he can do it.

 

Akane doesn’t let Carlos drive. She insists on taking the keys, and, given that walking is currently a chore for Carlos, he relents. He ends up sprawled out in the back seat, with a stern order to rest.

But even sitting there, eyes closed and head pressed against the window, Carlos can’t rest.

Maria is fine.

It’s the only thing he’s wanted these last few years, and now that he has it, he should be totally satisfied, he should want nothing else in this life. He doesn’t deserve anything else in this life when something so impossible has been gifted to him.

But he keeps thinking about what Maria said in the hospital. About how she was glad he had friends. He’s glad too, but now that Maria is well, there’s no reason for Akane and Junpei to stick around. They’ve got bigger and better things to do. And Carlos is going to miss them. No matter what strange things are happening between them, he knows, from the bottom of his heart, that Akane and Junpei are his friends no matter what.

And he hates that they have to leave.

 

At some point Carlos _does_ fall asleep in the back seat of the car and he’s awakened by Junpei trying very hard to _lift_ him out of the car.

“Damn, you’re heavy,” Junpei huffs, stumbling back when he realizes Carlos is awake. “I didn’t think it would be this hard.”

Carlos winces as he sits up a little straighter and blinks at Junpei. His whole body feels sore and he would actually like nothing better than for Junpei to carry him from the car and up to his bedroom. But it doesn’t look like that’s going to happen.

“How were you going to get me up the stairs?” Carlos asks, raising his eyebrows.

Junpei scowls. “Okay, okay, we can’t all be built like you.” He holds out a hand. “Come on.”

Carlos takes Junpei’s hand and stumbles a little as he gets out of the car, but Junpei holds him steady. “Where’s Akane?”

“Upstairs,” Junpei says, moving to Carlos’ side and hooking an arm around his waist to support him. “She said I was going to hurt myself and wanted nothing to do with it.”

“Smart of her.”

The silence as Junpei helps him up the stairs isn’t as comfortable as Carlos would like. He thinks back to that morning, to the conversation they’d had, and vows to clear everything up before the two of them leave.

“Oh, good, both of you are in one piece,” Akane says when she opens the door for them. “Junpei said he was going to _carry you.”_ She shakes her head.

“Oh, shut up, Kanny.”

After Carlos insists that he doesn’t want to sleep (he does, but he can’t, not yet), Junpei and Akane help him get settled on the couch. Carlos is at the far right, with Junpei at his left and Akane on the far side. He feels slightly better than he had back at the hospital. At least he doesn’t feel like collapsing anymore.

All of them are quietly looking at their phones. Carlos knows they’re tired, he can tell by the way they’re leaning into each other. Carlos longs to do the same, to lean towards Junpei, but he pushes the thought away. That’s exactly the type of thinking he needs to clear up right now, no matter how tired he is, no matter how much he doesn’t want to.

Especially since when he catches a glance of Akane’s phone, he can see that she’s already looking up flights to Japan. She’s thinking ahead.

“So,” Carlos starts off, causing Junpei and Akane to look up. He wants to say something unrelated to his thoughts, to stop talking, but he swallows back the fear and presses on. “Now that Maria’s awake, I guess it’s time to focus on… the other thing.”

Akane offers him a rueful smile. “The terrorist,” she supplies.

“Do we have to talk about this now?” Junpei groans. “Especially you, Carlos. Jesus, you’ve just pulled your sister out of a coma and now you want to hunt down a world ending bad guy? Calm down.”

Carlos coughs awkwardly into his hand. “I just, wanted to clear a few things up before you two leave, you know?”

“Us… two…,” Junpei says the words slowly, then narrows his eyes. “You’re not coming with us?”

There’s a hurt in Junpei’s expression that Carlos can’t look at. He clears his throat and stares off into the kitchen. “I mean, Maria’s still not a hundred percent better. She hasn’t been out of bed in years, she’s gonna need my help.” He sighs. “I want to help, believe me. I want to make sure the world doesn’t end more than anyone, but, I’m sure you’ve got a thousand people more qualified anyway, right Akane?”

 

 

Both of them start to speak at once, but Junpei’s “Are you fucking kidding me?!” wins out over Akane. Carlos is a little startled at his vitriol.

“Exactly,” Akane says, eyebrows knitted together. She’s leaning over Junpei, looking at Carlos very seriously. “I understand that you need to take care of Maria, and you should take as long as you need to, but when she’s better, you are absolutely going to join Crash Keys and help us find the terrorist.”

“But—”

“But nothing!” Junpei’s fists are clenched and his jaw is set. “Who else would wait ten fucking _months_ to save our sorry asses? Not any of Akane’s faceless cronies you’re imagining. Carlos, we need _you._ ”

There’s a long silence where Carlos tries to put together a follow up sentence. He wants to ask _why_ and for the first time he’s starting to realize that ‘because we’re friends’ isn’t the answer he wants to hear.

“I know what this is about,” Akane says. “And I think it’s time to stop skirting the issue.”

Carlos’ breath catches. He’s hanging on Akane’s every word.

“Carlos, Junpei and I have feelings for you.”

And there it is. The thing that Carlos didn’t want to think, didn’t even want to imagine, but desperately, in the back of his mind, wanted to be true. His heart is hammering, blood rushing in his ears.

“Dammit, Akane, I thought I was gonna tell him,” Junpei mutters. His face has gone a light shade of pink.

“That’s what… that’s what you wanted to tell me this morning,” Carlos says, still struggling to process.

“Yes, idiot!” Junpei growls, smacking his palm to his forehead. “And then you kindly told me to fuck off.”

Carlos gapes and throws up his hands defensively. “I didn’t! I, Jesus, I totally misunderstood.”

“What else is new?”

“Junpei,” Akane warns, putting a hand on his arm. “Not helping.” To Carlos, she says, “I’m sorry, is this too much?”

Even though it is, even though Carlos is reeling, he shakes his head. He needs to get this sorted out so he can sleep tonight. He needs to tie up this loose end before they slip away.

“It’s just… I’m not very experienced with stuff like this.”

“I’ll say—ow, shit, Akane!”

“Not. Helping.” Akane releases Junpei’s arm, from the spot where she’s just pinched him. She turns to Carlos, her gaze steady and calming. “It doesn’t matter. Haven’t we been saying this all along? The Knowledge Argument. You can’t really know something until you experience it.” She smiles and a knowing that Carlos can’t quiet name passes between them. “But it doesn’t matter if you’re experienced or not, what matters is what you want.”

What Carlos wants. He looks at the two of them. Akane is still smiling at him and Junpei is staring hard at the floor. Carlos cares about both of them. Carlos wants to fall asleep with them, wants to hold their hands, wants them to continue to be together like this…

He swallows. “I know what I want, I think. But… I also want to make sure I’m not coming between you two. I’m not, right?”

Junpei groans. “Goddammit, Carlos, stop worrying and kiss me already.”

Akane’s calm demeanor cracks and she giggles. Carlos stares at her, quietly asking for permission, quietly asking her to tell him what the _fuck_ he should do.

And she nods.

Carlos has kissed exactly one person in his entire life. It seems like a lifetime ago and he can’t even remember who initiated it. But here he is, crammed onto his tiny couch with two people who very much want to _kiss him_ and he has no idea what to do with his hands.

No one moves. Junpei opens his mouth, probably to complain, and in that instant Carlos leans forward and kisses him.

Junpei makes a squeak of surprise. Carlos squeezes his shoulder. It feels… right despite the fact that Carlos isn’t sure he’s moving his lips correctly. When they come apart, Carlos is embarrassed to find he’s breathless.

And Junpei is smiling that toothy grin that Carlos loves. He looks flushed and sheepish, but that grin is there and Carlos could look at it all day.

Akane leans over, draping herself across Junpei’s lap, and puts a hand on Carlos’ cheek. He can feel the pulse in his throat. “Is this what you want?”

Carlos’ mouth is dry. “Yeah… yeah it is.”

When Akane kisses him, he can feel Junpei’s hand on his back. This is it. This is what he wants.

The world finally clicks into place. After all the suffering he’s been through, after all the SHIFTing and ESPering, after timeline after timeline of that horrible game, after years of worrying about his sister, Carlos finally has everything he wants.

And he’s going to fight to keep it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, the end! But IS IT?? I made my sister read this chapter (thank you <3) and she said "yeah you wrapped up all the plot points but I think you need an epilogue." Who am I to argue with that?? So epilogue will be coming out sometime this week. Thanks SO much to everyone who has read and commented on this fic! I really could not have done it without all your nice words. :D (Also I'm so glad I waited to post this because it is approximately 50% better than it was on Saturday.)


	7. Epilogue

Six hours into the flight and Carlos is wide awake in a dark plane.

He's staring at the gently flickering screen in front of him, barely paying attention to the movie. It's something about super heroes, that much he knows, but he hasn't caught anything other than the copious explosions and flashes of spandex. There are still five hours left on this flight and he has no idea how he's going to stave off boredom for that long.

Especially when his traveling companion is fast asleep in the seat next to him.

Maria's mouth hangs open slightly as her head lolls on his shoulder. He has no idea how she's been asleep for at least two hours. But there she is, his little sister, on a plane with him to _Japan_.

It's hard to believe that she woke up just six months ago. Her recovery has been nothing short of amazing. After being asleep for so long, Maria pushed herself to the limit in physical therapy. She wanted to catch up on everything she'd missed, make up for lost time.

And above all, Maria definitely wanted to go to Japan with Carlos.

After Junpei and Akane left, Carlos had explained everything to Maria. All the bad things, the good things, even, with some embarrassment, what had happened between the three of them. Maria had taken it all in in awed silence before declaring that both of them would go to Japan after she got better.

Maria to visit, and Carlos to help catch a terrorist.

They had bickered back and forth about the details. Maria insisted she would be fine, that she wanted to help, but Carlos was firm. He told her he would love to bring her, but she would strictly be _sightseeing._

Though she let the matter drop, Carlos was fairly sure he had not heard the end of it.

And even though Maria had worked so hard these last six months, it's the one thing Carlos is not going to give into. She's out of the hospital and _alive_ and they're going to see Junpei and Akane.

Carlos is nervous as hell.

He talks to them all the time. They keep him updated on their search for the terrorist, he tells them about Maria, sometimes they webcam. Akane texts him good morning every day. Junpei forgets about time differences and calls him in the middle of the night.

But now they're going to be together in public and Carlos doesn't know how to act.

Carlos had kissed them goodbye at the airport. It was early morning and the only people around to see had been sleepy security guards. But Carlos still felt weird about doing it in public. Though he told himself he didn't care what people thought, he couldn't shake the feeling that people would whisper behind his back if they knew...

Carlos tries to redirect his attention to the movie as Maria shifts on his shoulder. He smooths back her hair. It's grown out just past her ears, in what she calls “the awkward stage.”

“ _I can't do anything with it_ ,” she had complained.

Maria yawns and sits up straighter. Her face is only illuminated by his glowing screen.

“Are we almost there?” she asks, blinking.

Carlos shakes his head. “Nope. We've got...,” he pushes the button under his screen and the movie is replaced with a map of endless ocean, “four hours and forty-seven minutes left.”

Maria frowns and slumps back in her seat. “That's forever. At least I slept.” She eyes him through the dim. “Did you?”

“Nah.” Carlos scrubs at his hair. He _is_ tired, but nothing happens when he closes his eyes. “Can't.”

“Too excited?” Maria asks with a knowing grin that makes Carlos flush.

“I guess.” He smiles back at her, glad that at least _she_ doesn't care that he's... _involved_ with two people.

“Just don't keep them too busy,” Maria says, settling in against his shoulder again. “I want them to show me around.”

Carlos feels his face getting hotter. “I won't. Don't worry, you're going to be sick of Japan by the time we leave.”

“Doubt it.” Maria's eyes are closed. “There are a million things I want to do.”

It doesn't take long for her to fall back to sleep.

 

Carlos _does_ manage about an hour's sleep before the plane lands.

But the moment the plane hits the earth, Carlos is alert and ready. He shepherds a sleepy Maria through the airport, ignoring her complaints that he's “smothering her”. Even though she's doing much better than she was before, even though she's been awake for six months, Carlos can't help but worry.

He starts shaking at the baggage claim. He curses himself for feeling so nervous, tries to do everything he can to just _stop_ his body from jittering, but he can't. He compensates by carrying both his and Maria's bags.

“I can handle that myself,” Maria insists, but he just offers her a smile in return.

Apparently his smile is less easy than he thinks, for Maria shakes her head. “Calm down, they're gonna be happy to see you.”

Carlos winces. She's seen right through him. “I know,” he replies as they travel through the mass of people making their way down the long, white halls.

When they finally emerge from the hall, Carlos has to stop for a moment, irritating a man who was walking very close behind him. Carlos lets the man go around as he just stares at the open space, at the signs he can't read, at all the people waiting.

And then he sees them. Akane and Junpei are standing there, watching the streaming crowd. Carlos feels his heart speed up, his chest tighten.

Someone tugs a suitcase handle from his hand. It's Maria. “Hello? Carlos?”

Carlos swallows. “I see them,” he says simply before he starts walking again. Maria has to jog to catch up.

Junpei is the first to spot him. They make eye contact and Junpei nudges Akane as he raises an awkward hand.

And then they're both looking at him and Carlos' feet are moving on their own. The world rushes by in a hazy blur until he has his arms around both of them.

Two pairs of arms circle around him and he instantly feels calmer. All the nerves evaporate as they hold him tight. It's just as he remembers and he doesn't want to let go. He doesn't care that the airport is packed with people, he doesn't even notice them as Akane finds his lips. The rush of the crowd is gone when Junpei presses a hesitant kiss under his chin.

When they break apart, Junpei says something in Japanese and Carlos blinks. He wishes he would have at _least_ learned some basic phrases. Akane smiles and translates:

“Welcome to Japan.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a liiiitle something. Thanks everyone for sticking with me! I haven't done a fic this long in awhile! It was fun. <3

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! Right now this fic is nearly 8,000 words long and I maybe have 1,000 to go so I figured I was close enough to start posting it now. I'm going to be posting a new chapter each day. There will probably be sixish chapters unless I have massively miscalculated how long the ending is going to take. :P


End file.
